Yeah. No. I’m serious. She really is.
For the last two months she’s been telling us, on repeat her “vagina hurts”. And I know this isn’t funny.
And In fact it’s really sad.
When your kid is hurting – and you can’t fix it – or figure out the problem – it hurts you, possibly more than it hurts them. But I think I’ve said and heard the word Vagina more in the last two months than I have in 38 years. And obviously, I have one.
We’ve gone to the doctor five times on this matter. And each time they’ve taken tests. Checked for infections. And they’ve all come back negative.
Put diaper cream on it. If that doesn’t work try cortisone. If not that. Bacitracin.
No? Vagina still hurts?
Finally we took a trip uptown to a pediatric urologist. I told Harper I was breaking her out of school for some Mommy Harpy time.
This had the luxury of being true. But hanging out at Weil Cornell for a full afternoon was likely not what she had anticipated.
After a few hours. Some ultrasounds, X-rays and a lot of stickers we learned of the culprit.
My kid is full of shit.
Apparently she is so blocked up with stool (for the last two months?? ?) that it’s affecting her in more indirect ways. Which is obviously heartbreaking.
So for the next two days Harper and I will be home. Having extra special Harper Mommy time. Regrettably – this actually means: Bowel Cleanse.
We will be sitting on the toilet for 48 hours.
It’s really amazing. Before you meet your significant other you think ‘I need to look my best.’ Then you get engaged and start letting things go, just a bit. Then you live together and obviously bodily functions occur – that starts normalizing. But once the kids come EVERYTHING is out the window.
I’d venture to say 9 out of 10 conversations are about poop or vomit.
Needless to say – ultimately all that matters is my kid’s health.
Last week Harper and I Celebrated and Honored International Womens Day by attending the largest gathering of Moms at the UN. While “in session,” she had to poop.
So, what do you do when you’re in one of the most important places in the world?