Do Not Disturb

This morning after four nights of no sleep – thank you four month sleep regression – I jumped out of bed, a little fuzzy from a tad too much wine last night (and maybe from the martinis the night before…).

Today I have things to do!

Work on this blog I decided HAS to happen now. Create the website. Brand myself. Also finish the apartment – my new West Elm table and bench are coming today! I have a call with a journalist about my infertility journey. I have another call with a coach to help me figure out this whole new me!

Both babies were crying. But they could wait. They’d been fed. They’d been changed. They’d been burped. They have no reason to need me right now.

Made the coffee. Grabbed the water. Toasted the Trader Joe’s pop tarts because they’re just so damn good.

Sat at the computer.

Got to work.

And then I looked at my babies faces. They were staring at me. Their little blue eyes and teeny tiny faces peering up.

I realized today is the 25th of January. This means I’m back to work in a month.

One month.

I’ve been with them for four. Where did the time go? What was I doing? How did it happen so fast? Was I present? Did I give them my undivided time? Did I nurture enough? Give enough of me?

The answers don’t actually matter, and in fact bring up so many more questions.

What matters is. I have one month left with them.

So I scooped them both up. One in each arm. Tucked carefully in.

And we climbed back to bed. Jory on my left. Marley on my right.

They both fell asleep instantly.

I canceled the 10:30 call.

There was just a knock at the door, I didn’t answer.

Everything and everyone can wait. These babies need me. And I need them.

If you need me, I’m sorry but for the moment there’s a proverbial sign on my door.

Do Not Disturb.