Twins

100% Sure. Probably.

100% Sure. Probably. 150 150 rebekahrosler

As I sit on my couch, one baby in my arms nursing, the other sleeping sweetly and silently in the carriage from our morning stroll, I quietly contemplate my current status. Mom.

How did I get here? When did my path change? Was this always what was planned for my future? Is there such thing as “destiny?”

I will never know. And truthfully it doesn’t matter much. What matters is in 20 Days, my status changes and I return to Professional Mom.

Is that who I am? I know I’m not the mom who can come up with educational activities all day to help develop and occupy my kids. And if I read It’s Potty Time for Fucking Elmo one more time, I’ll lose my shit.

So yeah. Professional is the only other role available. Right?

Our journey began soon after marriage, and many years into my career. We banked 5 embryos. Transferred 2 and 9 months later our beautiful daughter was born. One year later, without much life planning, budget reviewing or forward thinking, we transferred 2 more untested embryos – because we weren’t quite done yet. 8 months later our incredible twins (still can’t quite believe that one) were here.

Now, during my last days of my final maternity leave I have a lot to think about. What does our life look like now? How will we juggle it? What are our priorities? How do Nathan and I put each other first, still, sometimes, ever?

Nathan’s an artist, passionate, creative. Who am I? What am I?

I’ve been sitting on an important document. One that I absolutely will sign. Must sign. Need to sign.

We have one embryo left.

Our family is complete. We know this embryo needs to go to science – to help the fertility world learn more. I’ve had this document since September…We are 100% sure our family is done and this right (for us). Probably.

My days on this couch are numbered. And this ride has been an unexpectedly miraculous and marvelous one.

I guess the question is. What’s next?

Really, Real. Not Social Media, Real.

Really, Real. Not Social Media, Real. 150 150 rebekahrosler

Having a real moment.

I so appreciate all the love I’ve gotten on Social Media. People just love twins. And I’ve been insanely lucky that all of my babies have been good babies and it’s really been manageable.

But today has been awful. I have a migraine. Haven’t slept in three nights. Babies aren’t napping during the day. I was sure they were 12w today. No they’re 13w. 3 months actually.

I do not have a cute picture of them dressed well with their respective stuffed animals. I have this picture of me. Un-showered. Teeth definitely un-brushed. Pumping for the first time today at 4:30.

Miserable by all accounts.

With the good comes the bad. With the wonderful comes the awful.

Just wanted to reality check for a second. Now I have to go back to shutting one eye because the light is too bright.

The Purpose of Community

The Purpose of Community 150 150 rebekahrosler

I’ve been saying for a while now that I am SO READY to leave NYC. But will be devastated the day I have to leave Stuytown.

Why?

Today I was reminded of why.

A lot of you likely saw my “real” post last week. It was a bad day. An unflattering photo. A true reality check in the face of the social media fallacy.

So many in my network reached out to thank me for the honesty – but also to check in.

The support was wonderfully overwhelming. I wasn’t actually looking for people to pick me up – just wanted to pull the curtain back for a moment.

Then today I went to grab something from our local Concierge service. A spot many of us moms will drop items off for their fellow moms in the area to pick up.

Amanda was giving me these adorable booties for Marley because her daughter outgrew them. When I picked the bag up it felt a tad heavy for a pair of booties.

When I opened it there was a card.

And a note.

And a gift.

Words of encouragement, commiseration, empathy, kindness. And of course, caffeine.

We met through a Moms group. Don’t know each other that well. She herself is a mom of twins (x2!), full time job, handling her own life – and she stopped it all for a moment – for me.

Thank you Amanda. (I’ll PM you privately now ?) Thank you community.

Thank you Stuytown.

Happy Holidays. May we all pay it forward.

And The First Trimester Ends

And The First Trimester Ends 150 150 rebekahrosler

Well. They made it. And we made it. And, It was actually last week (apparently).

At this point with Harper I was already headed back to work.

Beyond grateful that I get just a little more time nurturing them myself before they head off to daycare like the big kids they are.

Pregnancy for me is awful. My body just doesn’t do it well. But raising these precious beings and giving them everything I have feels so natural.

Perhaps I’m letting the apartment go. There are certainly no meals at the table at dinner time (who am I kidding, they weren’t there before either). And perhaps I’ve not been as communicative with my friends as I once was.

But this is where I need to be. Right now. I thought I’d have the TV on every day, catching up on series passed. Nope. I’ve been staring at this two, grow before my eyes each and every day.

I am humbled to (somehow) be a mother of three. Three of the best I know.

Happy 3 months (and many extra days) little ones. The joy you bring me, your dad, and possibly even more – your big sister – is beyond words.

Keep smiling, reaching and learning – just don’t grow up too fast.

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#missmarleyreese #jorybonham #roslertwins #twinning

My body, my choice

My body, my choice 150 150 rebekahrosler

Today was too beautiful a day to be a slave to the eating and sleeping schedule of newborn twins. So Nathan and I ventured out. We walked west. Found a park, sat down – I nursed both babes and we headed to the Highline.

We had a lovely walk in our wonderful city and ended up having a late lunch at Shake Shack where I nursed one of the babies again (still aiming to follow a schedule ?)

On our walk home Marley woke up from a nap, and doing what any good mother would do, I picked her up to feed her. Never have I questioned when or where I should nourish any of my children – in whatever way they need to be satiated in the moment.

Passing 3rd avenue, Nathan pushing the stroller we both hear a guy say “tell your woman to put some clothes on, sheesh.”

Wait. What. He couldn’t possibly be talking to us. To my husband.

He was.

So much anger bubbled up in me – because this was so disgusting on so many levels – but for the safety of the babies, we just kept walking and just looked at each other. So I stayed silent – allowing a man I don’t even know – to determine how I should be treated.

I count myself among the lucky who live in NYC where acceptance and openness are the norm. But on the tail end of the “me too” campaign – this brings to light a different type of harassment.

I was appalled by his reaction. I was disgusted by his words – to my husband – about me, an object?

I am grateful – and I guess lucky – that this was the first time I encountered such a scenario – and am so sad for the other women who face this type of harassment – or don’t feed their babies because of the fear.

I don’t know that I have a point here. I just think while we’re talking about what women are expected to endure – we should also be reminded of how empowered we should be. We get to nourish our babies – and give life to the next generation.

So hey, guy on 3rd avenue and 22nd Street. Fuck you. I’m going to keep doing me. And you better not find me again when I’m sans babies because I have a few choice words for you.

Oh, My Birthday?

Oh, My Birthday? 150 150 rebekahrosler

Trying to put feelings into words, sometimes, is a feat impossible to master. The blessings I have encountered in recent history are far too many to recount. Perfection is unattainable and unrealistic – but if there’s something close, I truly think I’ve found it. Life has a funny way of running you ragged right up until everything makes sense. My world was completed this week and yesterday, on my birthday I wished for nothing else, for me.

I do wish for healing in this world, globally and locally. I do wish for people, and governments, to be kinder. I do wish for good things, peace and love and happiness for all who strive for it – and for all the animals, of course, the animals. (And ok, maybe I wish for a tad more sleep and money).

Thank you for the incredible outpouring of love and support – there seems to just be something about twins ?

While I wait for the surge of hormones to hit me, which it will for better or for worse – I’ll be right here. Wrapped up tightly with those I hold closest. Forgive me if I take a moment to respond – I’m trying to breathe it all in so deeply that these moments stay with me, in the core of my being, for my eternity.

Thank you ❤️ Happy Birth Day, Indeed.

What A Long Strange Trip It’s Been

What A Long Strange Trip It’s Been 150 150 rebekahrosler

Today Harper turns 20 months (and finally in size 4 diapers!) Today I turn 35 weeks pregnant. This past weekend I had the downtime I have yet to give myself in these last 9 months. I had time to really appreciate how incredibly lucky I have been to have the most wonderful little girl and perfect little family. And then the emotions came pouring over me like a tidal wave.

Why are we changing this special life? How will Harper ever get the same kind of love she’s used to? Did we make the wrong decision? How will we possibly make this work? Is it all a mistake? No way I can love these two the way I love MHP. There were some tears. (And probably some hormones.) The weather didn’t help. But at the end of it all what I realized is – this is all part of this crazy, wild ride we’re on called: life. No, it is not going to be easy at the beginning, even if the newborn photos look idyllic because, swoon: twins!

Yes, we are rocking the boat and adding so much more to our already full lives. But I never thought I wanted a child in the first place. And Harper changed my entire perspective on life and love. What’s to come is unknown. But what’s certain and true is that we are about to be blessed with the most incredible gift(s) in the world. We have each other, our family, our friends – and this long strange trip we’re all on is about to get even stranger. There will be ups. There will be downs. There will be struggles and there will be laughs and smiles beyond our wildest expectations. Life has a funny way of working out – maybe not the way we planned – but falling into place nonetheless. Thank you for your friendship, your support (your humoring my verbose brain dumps on social media.)

Life is about to get fucking crazy.

And. We. Are. Ready. (No we’re not, but is anyone truly? Ever?)

Bring it, babies.

To learn more about my services, let’s talk. I offer a 15-minute, no-obligation phone consultation to determine how I can help you navigate your motherhood journey.