Twins

Having a real moment.

I so appreciate all the love I’ve gotten on Social Media. People just love twins. And I’ve been insanely lucky that all of my babies have been good babies and it’s really been manageable.

But today has been awful. I have a migraine. Haven’t slept in three nights. Babies aren’t napping during the day. I was sure they were 12w today. No they’re 13w. 3 months actually.

I do not have a cute picture of them dressed well with their respective stuffed animals. I have this picture of me. Un-showered. Teeth definitely un-brushed. Pumping for the first time today at 4:30.

Miserable by all accounts.

With the good comes the bad. With the wonderful comes the awful.

Just wanted to reality check for a second. Now I have to go back to shutting one eye because the light is too bright.

I’ve been saying for a while now that I am SO READY to leave NYC. But will be devastated the day I have to leave Stuytown.

Why?

Today I was reminded of why.

A lot of you likely saw my “real” post last week. It was a bad day. An unflattering photo. A true reality check in the face of the social media fallacy.

So many in my network reached out to thank me for the honesty – but also to check in.

The support was wonderfully overwhelming. I wasn’t actually looking for people to pick me up – just wanted to pull the curtain back for a moment.

Then today I went to grab something from our local Concierge service. A spot many of us moms will drop items off for their fellow moms in the area to pick up.

Amanda was giving me these adorable booties for Marley because her daughter outgrew them. When I picked the bag up it felt a tad heavy for a pair of booties.

When I opened it there was a card.

And a note.

And a gift.

Words of encouragement, commiseration, empathy, kindness. And of course, caffeine.

We met through a Moms group. Don’t know each other that well. She herself is a mom of twins (x2!), full time job, handling her own life – and she stopped it all for a moment – for me.

Thank you Amanda. (I’ll PM you privately now ?) Thank you community.

Thank you Stuytown.

Happy Holidays. May we all pay it forward.

Today was too beautiful a day to be a slave to the eating and sleeping schedule of newborn twins. So Nathan and I ventured out. We walked west. Found a park, sat down – I nursed both babes and we headed to the Highline.

We had a lovely walk in our wonderful city and ended up having a late lunch at Shake Shack where I nursed one of the babies again (still aiming to follow a schedule ?)

On our walk home Marley woke up from a nap, and doing what any good mother would do, I picked her up to feed her. Never have I questioned when or where I should nourish any of my children – in whatever way they need to be satiated in the moment.

Passing 3rd avenue, Nathan pushing the stroller we both hear a guy say “tell your woman to put some clothes on, sheesh.”

Wait. What. He couldn’t possibly be talking to us. To my husband.

He was.

So much anger bubbled up in me – because this was so disgusting on so many levels – but for the safety of the babies, we just kept walking and just looked at each other. So I stayed silent – allowing a man I don’t even know – to determine how I should be treated.

I count myself among the lucky who live in NYC where acceptance and openness are the norm. But on the tail end of the “me too” campaign – this brings to light a different type of harassment.

I was appalled by his reaction. I was disgusted by his words – to my husband – about me, an object?

I am grateful – and I guess lucky – that this was the first time I encountered such a scenario – and am so sad for the other women who face this type of harassment – or don’t feed their babies because of the fear.

I don’t know that I have a point here. I just think while we’re talking about what women are expected to endure – we should also be reminded of how empowered we should be. We get to nourish our babies – and give life to the next generation.

So hey, guy on 3rd avenue and 22nd Street. Fuck you. I’m going to keep doing me. And you better not find me again when I’m sans babies because I have a few choice words for you.

Trying to put feelings into words, sometimes, is a feat impossible to master. The blessings I have encountered in recent history are far too many to recount. Perfection is unattainable and unrealistic – but if there’s something close, I truly think I’ve found it. Life has a funny way of running you ragged right up until everything makes sense. My world was completed this week and yesterday, on my birthday I wished for nothing else, for me.

I do wish for healing in this world, globally and locally. I do wish for people, and governments, to be kinder. I do wish for good things, peace and love and happiness for all who strive for it – and for all the animals, of course, the animals. (And ok, maybe I wish for a tad more sleep and money).

Thank you for the incredible outpouring of love and support – there seems to just be something about twins ?

While I wait for the surge of hormones to hit me, which it will for better or for worse – I’ll be right here. Wrapped up tightly with those I hold closest. Forgive me if I take a moment to respond – I’m trying to breathe it all in so deeply that these moments stay with me, in the core of my being, for my eternity.

Thank you ❤️ Happy Birth Day, Indeed.